


Risks Worth Taking

by purelygreen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Boys Kissing, Christmas, Christmas Ball, Fanatical Fam's Holiday Fic Exchange 2020, Gay Theodore Nott, LGBTQ Character, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28241634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purelygreen/pseuds/purelygreen
Summary: One day, Theodore Nott takes a risk and follows Harry to the tower.
Relationships: Theodore Nott/Harry Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 94
Collections: Fanatical Fam's: Holiday Fic Exchange





	Risks Worth Taking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ravenclaw_Cait](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Cait/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, Cait!
> 
> Thank you Sabrina for sifting through my madness!

**_May 2, 1998_ **

When the Dark Lord returned from wherever he was, it took everything in Theo’s power to keep his emotions in check. All he saw was the dark lord approaching with his inner circle and that giant carrying something in his arms and clearly sobbing so audibly everyone in the castle could have heard. It wasn’t until the dark lord started gloating that Theo realized what Hagrid was carrying. It was Potter. He almost couldn’t hold back his gasp and tears that he for sure thought would fall upon seeing the boy who lived in such an unconscious state.

 _He can’t be. No. No. It can’t be. He was supposed to win. Be the Savior he was so beloved for._ Theo thought to himself, _I never even got a chance to talk to him, properly._ With that, a lone tear escaped before he could stop himself. Everything else dulled to a blur while Theo tried to get his occlumency in check. He wasn’t a natural occlumens of course, like Draco. Not everyone could have those gifts, Theo scoffed internally. Draco taught Theo as best as he could, everything that had happened over the years certainly required it.

With a thud, Theo’s focus was pulled back to the current situation. What he saw created so much shock and awe, he didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that Harry Potter was somehow alive, and dueling the Dark Lord. He damn near rejoiced before battle recommenced, creating so much chaos, who knew what was going on. Being the quiet Slytherin that he was, no one was outwardly attacking him. Being the son of a death eater had one perk it seemed, the dark side didn’t immediately attack him. Hanging back and watching, Theo was calculating what he should do when he saw a younger Ravenclaw dueling a masked death eater. The girl could not have been older than a fifth year, why was she here? Shouldn’t she have left? What was she doing? Without much thought as to why he was having this noble impulse, Theo jumped in beside the Ravenclaw and sent a hex towards the death eater that surely incapacitated him. With wide eyes, the girl turned to Theo in shock. After a moment or two, there was an unspoken understanding, and the girl grinned up at Theo and ran off to help others.

After a short while, the battle slowed to a halt. All focus was on the Chosen One and the Dark Lord now. The two destined to finish the war, if the Prophet was to be believed, Theo scoffed. Both light and dark wizards stopped to watch the final blows. 

Could Potter really win this? Could there be another day in the light? Theo wondered. Another day in a world he wanted to be in? In a world where he could show others he is more than a death eater’s son? Where he could talk to the only person in the world, he wanted to talk to right about now.

And with that, the Dark Lord just dropped? Seemed anticlimactic, but they won! Looking around, you wouldn’t think the light won - all the bodies, the screaming and the blown-up walls - , but with no more you-know-who, it was certainly a win of sorts. Walking slowly through the Great Hall, Theo saw families surrounding loved ones and caring for other injured students and adults. He saw Dean, Seamus, and Aberforth sharing a pint and rejoicing the victory. He saw a huddle of Weasley’s surrounding an unconscious Weasley. He saw Draco enveloping a small bushy-haired girl in the tightest hug he had ever seen. Lastly, he saw Harry Potter slumping off and out of the Great Hall, like he had no one left. No one who needed him. No one he needed to see.

Watching the boy who lived exit the Great Hall, brought so many memories to the surface. So many times Theo wished he would have just plucked up the courage and talked to him. Said anything, did anything. _The moments in fourth year, when all the other Slytherin boys were talking about girls, Theo only had eyes for Harry. He admired Harry but couldn’t do anything about it. He would watch on while Draco would instigate him, wishing he could step up and defend him. Moments in the library while Harry was struggling to figure out the egg, he wished he would have gone up and talked to him, maybe he could have helped him with it. At the Yule Ball, when he was dancing with the Patil girl, he imagined what it would be like if it was him in his arms instead. He wished he would have approached him and invited him for a dance, while he was looking in the distance miserably. He would never forget the moment he saw Harry return to the beginning of the maze, screaming and bloody. If not for Draco, he probably would have ran, not knowing what to do, but be closer…_

Before he could do anything to stop himself, his feet were moving of their own accord in the direction that Harry was going.

_When he came back for fifth year, he just knew, he knew he would talk to him. He would go up to him and say something. Anything. Umbridge as good as ruined that thought. When Hagrid brought the thestrals for class, he couldn’t keep the disgust off his face. The fact that he had to see these creatures was bad enough, but knowing that Harry could see them now too… he wanted to find him later and talk about it, but never did… When he saw that his father was arrested for being a part of the death eaters that attacked the ministry, he was relieved, if only, he could approach Harry and apologize…_

His feet were leading him towards the Astronomy Tower, following the boy who lived, and the boy who hasn’t left Theo’s mind for the past 4 years.

_The last chance he had to talk to the boy of his admirations was last year. Theo remembered back to the first day of potions class, when he and Draco were joking about something so menial, he couldn’t remember for the life of him what it was. He was just encompassed by the best smells in the world… cloves… caramel… and smoldering fire. Draco had leaned in and asked something, probably referring to his own potion’s smells, but Theo was so focused on his own cauldron everything else dulled to a low hum. He knew his potion’s scent was because of Harry, but he didn’t know if he could do or say anything… and the last time he had even seen Harry was that time when Harry was hovering over Dumbledore’s crumbled form, with that Weasley girl comforting him. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to be that person to comfort him, that person to hug him, to be that person he confides in…_

There, at the edge of the Astronomy Tower, looking out over the Black Lake, was Harry Potter. He looked so emotionally drained, like he couldn’t possibly do anything else, except just be. Of all the times where Theo had just stood in the background, observing, watching, considering when would be the best time to talk to him, he never considered actually doing it. Could he? The opportunity was perfect, he was right there. Even just to talk, to be that person to be confided in this time. Whatever Harry needed in this moment; he would give it to him.

“If you are here to congratulate me or praise me, just leave. I’m just too tired,” Harry said as Theo approached him. “Nott? What do you want?”

“I’m not. Just here for the view as you are.”

“Fine, whatever you say. It’s all anyone wants from me anyways.”

“What about your precious Duo, aren’t they always around you?”

“I dunno, expect they have other people to be with. Ron has his family, they are all worried about Fred… I didn’t want to intrude.”

“But aren’t you basically family with them?”

“Yeah, well some things just aren’t the same as born family.”

“And Granger?”

“Hah, well… clearly, she’s found _someone else_ that she’s caring for now.” Theo could tell Harry was trying hard not to sound bitter, but it wasn’t quite working.

“Aren’t you with the Weaslette, though?”

“Yeah, that was on me, we separated due to everything going on, and I just don’t know anymore…”

“About Weaslette?”

“Well, really everything. Like what do I do now? Everyone just expects me to be everyone’s darling _savior_ . What if I don’t want to be that, what if I just want to be Harry? _Just Harry?_ I just want to be me, and not what everyone expects of me? Where am I supposed to go now? I just have nothing left.”

“I can understand that.” Harry looked up at Theo.

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” Harry stared back out towards the lake, memorizing every detail that he could.

“I don’t even know what I want to do, I am tired of fighting, I am tired of doing what everyone expects of me. I thought I wanted to be an Auror, I thought that is what everyone thought I should be, I blindly followed a man who said I would be a great Auror. Jokes on me I guess, guy tried to have me killed. A death eater in disguise convinced me I would be a great dark wizard catcher. I don’t even know if that’s what I truly want to do anymore. Do I follow the path that is expected of me or do I change what I want to do?”

“I know we don’t really know each other, outside of going to school together for the past 7 years, but I think that you _are_ you. You can do whatever makes you happy, be that following your predestined path as you say, or do what truly makes you happy. Be it flying, healing, teaching, just owning a shop, any little thing you may want to do. You can do whatever you set your mind to, I have faith in you.”

Theo saw in Harry’s eyes a flicker of recognition, like Harry may have made his decision out of this brief interaction. “Well, I better check in with the Weasleys. I’m sure they have been wondering where I have ran off to. See you around, Nott.”

Under his breath, Theo muttered, “Theo”

Turning around, Harry looked up at Theo and said, “See you… _Theo.”_

After Harry had left, Theo went back to looking out over the Black Lake. He couldn’t hold back his smile if he tried, it was the happiest he had been his entire life. He finally talked to Harry. It didn’t go badly. Yes, he only talked about Harry’s future. But if this was all he got out of Harry, he would treasure it forever. Maybe they could even be friends in the future.

~~~~

 **_December_ ** **_2_** ** _5, 2000_ **

Tonight was the annual Malfoy Christmas Party. Theo, of course, had been attending for as long as he could remember. But tonight was different, tonight was the first year that the man of his admirations may make an appearance. After the war had ended, and Narcissa and Draco Malfoy had been cleared of all charges, they resumed their annual Christmas Party. They had felt that the Trio played quite a large hand in their freedom, hence why they were always invited. Ron and Hermione had attended immediately , but Harry had yet to make an appearance. He had sort of fallen off the face of the earth, it seemed. Rumors flew left and right about where he may have gone to or what he may be doing. Some said he was traveling the world, some said he went to America to get away from everything and everyone. According to the Daily Prophet back in August, Harry was back. He had returned to London. They weren’t sure why he had come back now, but Theo didn’t care. There was a chance he could see Harry again. It had been so long since they had spoken, he was afraid he would never get a chance to see or talk to him again.

While getting ready for tonight’s event, he thought about Harry. _Harry might be there tonight, if he is in London_ , _there is always that chance_ . For tonight’s attire, he had considered his usual all black suit, which looked quite sharp if he did say so himself, but black was for hiding. He didn’t want to hide tonight, he wanted to be seen, but also not _too_ wild (he wasn’t that bold). Then he saw it, in the back of his closet. The suit was a deep, rich burgundy, not something he would usually think of wearing, what with it not being his usual colors of black or emerald.In fact, it was a bit too Gryffindor for his tastes, but there’s nothing wrong with a little Gryffindor, right?

Looking at himself in the mirror, he made some last-minute adjustments to make sure he looked his best, and grabbed some floo powder to call out “Malfoy Manor”. In a flourish, he arrived to see the party was in full swing, many familiar faces were already in busy conversations. He saw some fellow Slytherins from their year, as well as some parents that he remembered hanging around the Malfoys from when they were children. When he saw Draco standing amongst a circle of Narcissa and Parkinson’s, he worked his way towards them.

Upon seeing Theo, Draco excused himself with the usual bows and kissed knuckles to the ladies, and took Theo aside. “Well, have you seen him yet?”

Theo, taken aback with such a direct question so immediately, sputtered. “Wh-what?”

“Oh, you know? Potter? Harry…” Draco smirked knowingly after seeing Theo’s reaction.

Theo still unable to get a hold of himself, “Oh… what? Why would I be?”

Draco rolled his eyes dramatically. “For one, we have been friends our entire lives. You really think I didn’t know? Besides, your entire ensemble screams Gryffindor. If you haven’t seen him yet, I’m sure you will sooner or later.”

“Oh,” Theo responded, not knowing what to say.

Chuckling, Draco smirked. “That and my Hermione tells me that a certain Boy Wonder has been asking about you.”

“He has?” Not even remembering to raise his defenses, Theo immediately began searching the giant ballroom for the emerald eyes of his dreams. It didn’t take long for their eyes to meet, and Theo’s breath caught in his throat. Harry, standing next to Hermione, looked radiant. As if he couldn’t look more beautiful, his face broke into the brightest grin Theo had ever seen. Theo was frozen in place as Harry and Hermione worked their way towards Draco and Theo.

In Theo’s periphery, he could hear Draco greeting Hermione but all Theo could process was Harry standing in front of him. “Can we take a walk?” Harry asked as he approached.

“Su-sure.”

Theo looked back at Draco for guidance. He leant against Hermione, her arm tight around his waist, his arm wrapped effortlessly around her shoulder. Both smirked knowingly at each other before Draco gave the ‘go ahead’ nod. Theo turned back to Harry to lead him around the grounds of the manor he knew so well.

They made it out to the Malfoy Gardens and Harry started to explain himself. “I… I wanted to thank you for your advice.”

“Oh?” Theo didn’t know what he had thought Harry wanted to talk about. Honestly, this did make sense. “It was nothing.”

“No, you didn’t have to help me. You could have left me alone. You listened to me, and helped.”

“I’m glad I could help you. I wanted to be there for you, whatever you needed.” After a pause, Theo added: “How have you been?”

“I’m much better actually. Your advice had me thinking. What do I really want from life? Yes, I may have been a half-decent Auror, but would I be happy? Probably not. That’s just a continuation of what I have had to do my entire life. So, I just left… I wanted to see the world, wanted to be myself, and not worry about what was after me any given day. It was freeing. It was perfect.” Harry was now looking out across the gardens, potentially remembering his travels.

“What are you thinking about?” Theo said looking down into Harry’s eyes.

Returning the look, Harry blushed, saying: “I was remembering one of the times when I was in Switzerland… I was really just aimlessly traveling the world and I ended up in a little town. It was somewhere in the Alps and it was just so… open… and free. I never felt so carefree. Like nothing else in the world mattered. I stayed there for a few weeks, to actually think. I had been traveling for a while before then but it was always to more popular areas, but there I could really just be. I thought about what you had said. Do what makes me happy. While I was there, I’d just sit and reflect on what truly made me happy. As cheesy as it sounds, it was magic. When Hagrid told me I was a wizard, and that I was going to be going to a school for magic, I couldn’t believe him. It just sounded too good to be true, but then I got to Hogwarts. Everything was just so… magical.” 

Theo was such a good listener for Harry’s entire speech, but remembering the simple things made him chuckle. 

“Hey!” Harry glared up at him in mock indignation.

Theo looked at Harry so innocently, all Harry could do was roll his eyes. Looking back into the distance, Harry just shook his head in disbelief. “Why am I so comfortable around you? I barely even know you. This is our second conversation in our entire lives.”

“I’m not sure. Every time I am around you, I just shut down. I want to tell you everything. I know you don’t… sorry…” Theo blushed and had to turn away from Harry. _This was going so well, why did you have to open your mouth, you almost told him. He’d never feel that way. He is just thanking you for helping him._ Theo thought as he paced away from Harry.

“Theo… what’s… are you okay?”

“Yeah… yeah… I’m fine.” Theo said as he built his walls back up and turned back around. He didn’t usually have to do this, but Theo knew that he couldn’t let Harry know his true feelings, he would never want to talk to him again. “You were saying about magic?”

“Well, we are coming back to _that…_ well, I was remembering back to our Hogwarts years and all the times magic just made me so happy, and even more than that amazed me. So much of our schooling was plagued by darkness but in our fifth year amongst all that…”

“... ministerial interfering in Hogwarts with Umbridge?”

“Yeah.. well… I’m sure you know we formed a secret club to learn defensive spells.”

“Yeah, Dumbledore’s Army? _Very subtle.”_

“Yeah, when we did that, I got to teach witches and wizards at different levels of magical ability how to do defensive magic. It gave me the best feeling to see a smile on their faces when they finally perfected a spell. Oh, when they perfected their corporal patronuses—” Harry was smiling then, remembering Luna’s hare and Hermione’s otter dancing through the Room of Requirement.

“You knew how to do a patronus at 15?!” Theo interrupted in shock.

Harry waited a second, while smirking back at him. “Thirteen.”

“What?”

“I could produce a corporeal patronus at 13. Remus taught me,” Harry announced, matter of factly.

“Let me just take a moment to bask in your abilities…”

“I had to, the dementors were always after me in our third. I had to defend myself. I’m just glad Remus could teach me - and I could do so with Dumbledore’s Army It was so freeing and beautiful to see everyone feel accomplished. It was the first time in my life, that I felt truly good at something. That I didn’t have help to succeed. Quidditch came naturally, of course, but I can’t see myself doing that forever, certainly not professionally. I just don’t want to be famous, I just want to be Harry, ya know? So I thought to myself, if only I could teach again… I sent Professor McGonagall an owl asking if there were any openings, and if there wasn’t… well, I asked if she could think of me when one opens. Turns out, the Defense Against the Dark Arts position was open.”

“That’s perfect, Harry! But…is it stable? Like, I don’t mean to be negative, but we never had the _best luck_ with holding a professor.”

Laughing, Harry said, “Oh yeah, you didn’t know. Good ol’ Tom cursed the position so I would assume that curse has lifted since he is no more.”

“That’s… that’s great.”

“Thank you, I came back and started teaching in September. It was the best decision I have ever made. I can’t thank you enough for talking to me that day on the tower. I wanted to reach out to you sooner, I couldn’t stop thinking about you… but I wasn’t sure if you would still want to talk to me, like that…”

“Of course I would…” Theo thought there was no better time to tell him. “I thought about you a lot as well, I didn’t know where you went, but I had no right to know. We weren’t close, but I finally got the courage to approach you and then… you just vanished.”

After a pause, Harry asked, “How long?”

“Wh-what?”

“How long have you fancied me?”

“How? What?”

“How long?” Harry repeated.

Blushing, Theo finally responded, in a whisper, “Fourth.”

Smiling, Harry linked their arms together, and said, “Come on, let’s go back inside, I’m getting cold.”

As they walked back inside to the grand ballroom, Theo asked, “You too? I didn’t think you were…”

“Gay? Well… no…. I’m not, but I’m bi, yes.” Harry responded to Theo with a bit of a smirk. “It’s not my fault that noone knows. In fact, no one ever asked, but I think Hermione knew, what with how I was around Cedric.”

Theo just couldn’t believe his luck, could this mean that Harry might return his feelings? Was Harry telling Theo everything because he wanted more or just friendly? Theo’s heart thumped as if he was diving to the ground in a Wronsky Bluff.

Jolting Theo out of his thoughts, Harry said, “Well?... Theo?...” He was clearly waiting for the answer to a question Theo had completely missed.

“What?”

“Would you like to dance?” Harry asked again, clearly amused that Theo wasn’t focused.

Theo broke into a huge grin, and agreed. Harry pulled Theo out onto the dance floor, and they quickly fell into an easy rhythm. It should have been a sign how comfortable they were with each other, when they just started swaying to the melodic beat, smiling at each other. Theo finally had Harry in his arms, after all these years, he finally got to dance with him.

“How about you?” Theo asked. “When did you start fancying me?”

“Well, I think I actually saw you for the first time in fifth year, but with everything going on, who’s to say if it really started then, we never really had that many interactions. But then, after the final battle, I just wanted someone… someone to come and relieve the pressure, talk to me, about whatever… anything… My life was just too much. I had too many expectations on me, and most people just saw me as the famous Harry Potter, and I didn’t want that. You came and didn’t say anything about what just happened, just listened to me, helped me. It opened my eyes - and you really are quite handsome.” Harry smiled up at Theo. “Since that conversation, on my travels, I thought of you, I thought of owling you, to say thanks, but just passed it off as just a friendly conversation. Nothing more. When I got back I caught up with Ron and Hermione, about my trip and what I’d done, I’d probably mentioned you a few times because Hermione told me I should owl you. She always was the most observant one of us kids.”

“Oh yes, she is.” Theo cocked his head to the side, to see Draco and Hermione dancing together, everyone in the room could tell they were in hopelessly in love. “The pair of them, truly meant for each other aren’t they.” 

“I just can’t believe I never noticed… I really was so obsessed with proving he was a death eater, I never noticed they were together. Makes sense now that I think of it…”

Theo had been thinking about Harry’s lips during their entire conversation and now he impulsively kissed him, he just couldn’t stop himself. The moment their lips touched, reality came crashing back down on him. He stutter stepped back a step or two in a panic. _What if he was interested, but not interested-interested. He just kissed him. They couldn’t even be friends now—_

“No you don’t get away this fast, ” Harry said as he pulled Theo back into a soul-crushing kiss. He nearly melted at the sheer intensity of it.

What seemed an eternity later, Theo rested his forehead against Harry’s and sighed. “Oh Godric...”

“Yeah. I’d like to do that some more, if that’s alright with you,” Harry said as Theo chuckled.

“Definitely.”

“Happy Christmas, Theo.”

“Happy Christmas, Harry.”


End file.
